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Guide to Personal Lubricant
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Education hub · Lubricant
A guide, not a sales page
Choosing the right one, and using enough of it.
Lubricant is not a fix for something being wrong. It makes almost everything feel better, and for some bodies and some acts it is simply necessary.
The three types → Or what to check on the label →
We do not sell lubricant. This page exists anyway. Ask an educator if you want a recommendation.
Choosing
The three types.
One of them is the safe default and covers almost every situation.
Water basedThe safe default. Compatible with every toy material and with latex condoms, and it washes out of skin and sheets easily. It absorbs and dries faster than the others, so expect to reapply, or add a little water to reactivate it rather than adding more product.
Silicone basedLong lasting, very slippery, condom safe and excellent in water. One catch: it can bond with silicone toy surfaces and damage them permanently. Use it with glass, steel or ABS, or with skin alone. Needs soap to wash off.
Oil basedLong lasting and good for external massage, but it degrades latex. Never with latex condoms or dams, as it can cause them to fail. It also stains fabric and is more likely to disturb vaginal balance, so many people keep it to external use only.
Compatibility at a glance
Four rules, and you are covered.
- Silicone toys → water based only.
- Glass, steel and ABS toys → any type.
- Latex condoms and dams → water based or silicone, never oil.
- In the shower or bath → silicone, since water based rinses straight off.
Since almost everything soft is silicone, water based is the bottle to keep in the drawer.
The label
What to check, in order.
The first one on this list is the most important and the least discussed.
OsmolalityHow concentrated the formula is compared with your own cells. A high osmolality lubricant draws water out of the tissue lining the vagina or rectum, which damages that lining and can increase susceptibility to infection. The World Health Organization advisory suggests staying below 1200 mOsm/kg, ideally nearer 380. Very few brands publish the figure. A brand that does is telling you something about how carefully it was made.
pHThe vagina sits around 3.8 to 4.5, the rectum nearer 7. A formula matched to where it is going is gentler on the natural balance. Products labelled pH balanced usually mean vaginal, so check if you are using it anally.
Glycerin and glycolGive a slightly sweet taste and can contribute to irritation or thrush in people prone to it. If that is you, look for glycerin free. They are also a common contributor to high osmolality.
Warming, tingling and flavouredThese rely on added actives that are a common source of irritation. Try them externally first rather than discovering a reaction midway. Plain formulas are the safer starting point.
Numbing agentsAvoid, particularly for anal. Pain is the signal telling you to slow down, and switching it off is how injuries happen without anyone noticing.
Worth knowing separately
A vaginal moisturiser is not a lubricant.
They look similar on a shelf and do entirely different jobs. Confusing the two is common, and it is why some people conclude that nothing helps.
Lubricant
- Used in the moment, for friction.
- Works immediately and washes away.
- Solves a friction problem, not a tissue one.
Vaginal moisturiser
- Used on a schedule, typically every two or three days, regardless of whether sex is happening.
- Works over weeks, by rehydrating the tissue itself.
- Made for dryness that is present all the time, which is common through perimenopause and after, as falling oestrogen thins the tissue.
If dryness is constant rather than situational, a moisturiser is the product you actually want, and it is worth raising with your doctor since local oestrogen is also an option. The Midlife Intimacy Course covers this properly.
Using it
More than you think, sooner than you think.
Warm it firstA few seconds between your palms takes the cold edge off and makes application part of things rather than an interruption.
Always
Apply to bothOn the body and on the toy or condom, not just one.
Always
Reapply before it dragsNot after. Friction that has already begun is much harder to recover from than to prevent.
Always
Anal needs more, and thickerThe anus does not self lubricate, so this is not optional. Thicker formula, used generously, reapplied often.
Anal
Patch test anything newOn the inner forearm, especially warming, tingling or flavoured formulas. Twenty four hours is enough to know.
First use
Common questions
Answered plainly.
Does needing lubricant mean something is wrong?
No. Natural lubrication varies with hormones, cycle, stress, medication, hydration and time of day, and it is a poor indicator of arousal in any case. Plenty of people who are entirely aroused produce very little. Using lubricant is a practical decision, not a diagnosis.
Which one should I buy if I only want one bottle?
A plain, glycerin free, water based formula. It is compatible with every toy material and every condom, and it covers almost every situation. Silicone is the exception you buy later if you want it for the shower or for very long sessions.
Can I use coconut oil?
Externally, some people do. It degrades latex, so never with condoms, and oils are more likely to disturb vaginal balance. It is also not what it is made for. A proper water based lubricant costs very little and does the job better.
Is saliva fine?
It is what most people reach for and it is the worst option available. It dries within seconds, provides almost no lasting slip, and can transmit infection. Anything designed for the purpose is better.
Why does my lubricant get sticky?
Water based formulas dry as the water evaporates and the remaining ingredients tack up. Add a few drops of water rather than more product, which reactivates what is already there.
Do you sell it?
No. We do not currently stock a lubricant, and rather than imply otherwise we would rather tell you what to look for. If you want a specific recommendation, email us and we will give you one, even though there is nothing in it for us.
This page is education rather than medical advice. If you have persistent dryness, irritation, pain or recurrent infections, speak to your doctor rather than working around it with a product.
The short version
Plain, glycerin free, water based. And more of it.
That covers almost everyone and almost everything. The rest of this page is for the situations where it does not.
Read the materials guide → Or ask for a recommendation →
Education first · We do not sell lubricant · Plain packaging on everything we do